Beyond the Veil by Nicky Shearsby

Author:Nicky Shearsby [Shearsby, Nicky]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-09-04T16:00:00+00:00

Twenty

Adam

Where do I begin? I glance towards Flanigan, glad I have been given the freedom to discuss personal matters with an open heart, grateful for the chance to reveal my past, revel in my truth. He remains relatively still, head to one side, nowhere better to be, it seems, but right here with me, this room dimly lit enough to allow my memories to drift unheeded. I close my eyes, the smell of fresh rain on my skin, the taste of my beautiful man lingering—still.

~

It began in the winter of 1817, a simple year of promise and harvest. A year when I believed all good men existed and that incredible things could happen if a person held such strong beliefs within their heart. A sharp, relentless winter wind had cut through the village that year, forceful, unforgiving, bringing with it sombre clouds and rain so penetrating that any further outdoor pursuits would be out of the question. Such weather ensured we were set in pure delirium, James and I, nothing to do but spend the darkened evenings together, not always alone, of course, yet never thwarted from what we both knew would eventually happen, the indifferent views of our once cherished neighbours and compatriots providing license for much frivolity we did not anticipate possible.

I close my eyes, recalling a far better time, long gone, of course—these memories often fleeting, painful. At the time, I did not know what name to give it, but the simple verity of this matter was, and still is, that I was in love. There is nothing more than that to tell, nothing that might otherwise make for better acknowledgement of my unfounded emotions. James and I began as allies, our mutual companionship developing into friendship, then towards something neither had expected. We held firm trust in each other, the world made all the better for his laughter and simple, raw beauty that shone even when the sun did not. We shared a joyous, outrageous passion for art, music, anything, in fact, that might procure to somehow elevate our small world beyond what we already knew existed—the world beyond our simple farming lives of Shelby as unobtainable as the relationship we did not intend to begin.

I must confirm with strong validity that I did not set out to kill anyone. Never for a moment had such an atrocious thought passed my incredulous mind. It is a painful truth that I have been unable to share with a living soul before now, my former captures included. I recall how the church constables treated me, how they abused my body for days through lack of food, warmth, clothing. The beatings I took because of what I was, what I am—what I will always be. I was a young swain, naïve in my thinking, unworldly in my ways. James appeared so handsome to me, more, in fact, than anyone I’d ever before encountered. More than the fair maidens living in either Shelby or Eastcliff at that time, more than any female ever could hold sway over me.

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